Saturday, November 7, 2015
since the first day 'feelings' hit the radio, it was great fodder for my brother and sister and I !!! we hated this song with a passion. I still do, but today, it is a good song for the blog.
yesterday. 7 am. I got up, made coffee, had some cereal and did my devotions. got started on the laundry and decided to surprise Brenden by purging and cleaning his room. I changed the bed, swept the floor, re did his closet, dusted, changed burned out light bulbs, did his laundry, ironed his shirts and burned a candle to remove the disgusting cig smell. I worked my ASS off until about 2 o'clock. he comes home from work, (now I should tell you, I ADORE him. he is a good kid, works from 5am til 2 five or six days a week, contributes to the food bill, pays the direct tv and we all have a great relationship. mostly.) goes upstairs then comes down and says "WHO HAS BEEN IN MY ROOM". well, I am sure you are well aware that your grandfather would NEVER clean a room like that, so I looked at him and said " GUESS "... well he said "NO ONE is to go into MY room at ANY TIME EVER. ". I thought he was goofing around, so I said "Oh, do you think NO ONE could get it shining and smelling like that". He looked at me and said "NO ONE, EVER". I started to CRY! imagine spending all those hours working on a room that really, no one sees. I could have been working on the living room, or MY room. well, he left and I made Paul and I dinner and life went on. We went out to get an icecream later and I texted him and asked if he would like anything. He said 'the usual, please', I felt a sense of , idk, relief? Anywho, he called me while we were out to get the password to my computer. Then when we got home, he was upstairs asleep. I have had this empty hurt feeling in my gut all night. This morning he came downstairs, and apologized. Apparently he wasn't feeling too good, and didn't say 'stay out' quite right. Only one other person has ever made me feel that way and that was a guy i was dating, his mom's caregiver. she told me that I should break it off because he needs to be home in the evenings, not with me. after the 5th or 6th time being told that (imagine ... how big her balls must be to order me to not see him. ), I stopped. I didn't stop exclusiv ely for her, but the other issues could have been worked out. I really love him. I really love Brenden too. Its a little a chilly around here today, but I imagine things will be better. I have to be less thin skinned. I lost someone I loved that way, I can't let that happen again.
I know that the man I fell so hard for is with another , and I remarried my 1st husband, but a mental note to myself would be... BE STRONG. Don't let what might have been amazing, disappear because someone hurt you with their words.