Wednesday, July 23, 2014


              I am so confused. So tormented. Today was odd for me. I am starting to feel like John has stronger feelings for me than I first thought. That’s not good. I am in such a good place right now that I can’t worry or even THINK about feelings, futures, and relationships and never, love. Never. You see, I come and go whenever I feel like it. I don’t answer to anyone. I don’t bother cooking or doing anything I have no desire in doing. Selfish? Mhm. See, I have been at that place where I lived for other’s happiness. I don’t want that anymore. And really, I don’t want anyone to live for MY happiness.
            Tonight is my night out with the girls from school and Deb from the kennel. We haven’t been out in over a month and I am excited for the laughs that we will share and the great time that we always have. Our plan was to eat on the patio at our local favorite Austintown dive, but thank God, its RAINING! I hate sitting outside. Give me that fresh air conditioning any day ;)   Lucky, is what I am. The people I surround myself with bring me pure joy, endless laughs and unconditional love.
            Speaking of… two birthdays this month for the girls. 21 and 20. Amazing. They are so beautiful and loving and friendly and amazing. Yep, that’s my nieces!! My nieces. The 4 of them are more than I could ever ask for. Life is good.
            Hahahaha, I just got a request from a girl I went to school with. She has an Essay due TOMORROW at nine am. She emailed me to see if I would do it for her. She’s paying 20 bucks! Shit yeah I’ll do it! 20 bucks to write! I love reports and essays … and writing. This will be the easiest 20 ever!!
            Well, time for me to get ready to go out. Watched Mrs. G today, got home and chatted with Lee for EVER (he is redoing my yard again. Poor guy, every time I change my mind he gets me through it). He is pulling all the vines off the fence on my one side. Next week he is pulling all the cheap ass paper mulch that ass ripped me off doing, and putting river rock all in its place. I spend as much moolah on the back yard as the front. I just ordered an awesome patio set from the furniture store. When it gets delivered I am going to just set it up in the back room because I am going to have to eventually have that patio dug up and redone, so …
            Well, off to dinner!

Mary J

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