Love and Marriage

Love...
I have always been a skeptic. In marriage #1 we PROMISED to love forever. We didn't. But, it was fixable.
In marriage #2, I believe that , at that time, we NEEDED each other. I come to realize later that he couldn't love, not real love, and although I was sure at the time that I could make any situation work for the good, I am not a miracle worker. 
Date #1 ( and only in the 4 years I was divorced, gave me that 'feeling' of being loved and being needed. Being needed. Funny I treasure THAT feeling more than being loved. BUT, he didn't understand that my relationship with the Lord, came first. That sex was not only uncomfortable for me, but against all I believed. I accuse  myself of 'blowing that relationship', but I felt more comfortable when we went out as friends, listened to James Taylor Radio on I Heart, and did a little heavy petting now and then. Guess I wasn't ready. Nor may I ever be ready again. 
Remarriage to #1. Well, we started 're-hanging-out' in 2011 and had a real friendship. He started coming to church with me in 13 and the hanging out became like dating and we talked. We talked to our preacher, to each other and understood that he had truly changed from the man he was when we had our hard times, to the husband I wanted and needed for the rest of my life. 
Needed... I was needed in round 1 of my first marriage. BUT I was young, and felt more burdened with 5 kids, than needed as a lover, partner and spouse.   
Needed... I THOUGHT I was needed with 2, but that was soon replaced with his ex wife, his son's girlfriends and other things we just didn't share. I knew in 2006 this wasn't going to work. 1 year after we were married. Yep, we needed each other to get out of bad situations. Him with legal things, me with job situations. And honestly, I really thought I could make this work. But, when they are texting and going places and talking on the phone secretly, and receiving naked pictures on their cell phones... Can't justify it. Then we moved back here to Ohio after 4 years in California. It was a fast downhill slippery slope from there. Then situations came out that I couldn't deal with. If you are going to cheat, I always thought, then leave me first. Well, he did. After a series of things I found out later via Facebook. 
Needed... Oh when I dated and watched his mom, and he came home from work and I got to greet him at the door.... LOVED IT. Early mornings before he had to leave for work, just the way he held me and kissed me was unbelievable. But...
Needed... #1 and I both need each other now. For companionship, for traveling, for friendship, for love. Love. I never thought I could let that emotion back into my heart. I thank God for bringing us back together again. 

Marriage... yep, we are doing it again. No living together first, no sex first, no cheating or hiding or lies. Just love. Maybe age does bring wisdom.