GRAPEFRUIT JUICYFRUIT.

I am feeling this way BIG TIME today. My aunt passed away yesterday. My emotions are mixed. This aunt and uncle always treated me as a second hand citizen. I was fat. I was bald. I didn't marry correctly. Their kids are all doctors contractors lawyers. All blond/blue eyed. All perfect. All have perfect marriages. None of her 6 kids have ever been divorced. All of THEIR kids are successful and wealthy and even THEIR kids, are perfect. Healthy, beautiful, etc. Yep they have their family skeletons, pregnant before they were married, alcoholism ( high performing alcoholics, mind you ), extra marital affairs... but NONE have every been brought out. They LOVE my sister and whether they like my brother... he couldn't give a rats ass. But, they do regardless. I have always been put down by the parents so always looked down upon by my cousins. I have tried so hard to fit in with them, but ... have you seen me? I don't even come close. Well my aunt passed and as dumb luck would have it, or you could say 'my luck', they are flying her home. Shit. I thought her living out of town , i would have been excused!! But no, they will all be home and have been contacted about a family dinner on Sunday night. Ok, not everyone. That hurts me beyond words. I refuse to go. They can all laugh and have fun and Monday I will show up ... sit alone, then come home and cry.

I called my brother and begged him to take the day off but he said no, why should he take the day off just for that!! NOW would be a good time to have a job!!! So, I am on my own. Paul said he would go with me, but I am not going to put him through the torture of sitting with a bunch of assholes when I could go in, sit for a while then leave. Hopefully I will be watching Karlie that day. THAT will be a great reason to not stay long.

Not good enough. I have always felt that, and its funny the ones that always made me feel that way were they ones that said THATS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU NEED TO STEP UP!!! Hahaha, well, you make me feel that way too, so lets start with YOU!!

Anywho, enough sob stories.