Church.
I learn more and more about myself just sitting there absorbing the teachings.
Today, I learned about miracles. No, not the ones we read about in the bible,
although we touched on those, but MIRACLES. I realized today, just how many of
our lives are actual miracles. Mine for sure. If you knew me in my teens and
early 20’s, I probably wouldn’t have been your friend. And, for a spell, if you
would have known me after my first divorce… holy mackerel andy! But, in my teens God started working on my
heart, in a way, I never figured out til much later in life. One summer evening
my dear friend Kathy and I, for what reason I have no idea, except maybe Mr or
Mrs Everett STRONGLY suggested that we go, we went to see Franklin Graham at
the fairgrounds. I don’t think he was well known then, as there were just a
handful of folks there. BUT, we stayed. I was raised Catholic, so I don’t think
I had any clue what salvation meant, or was. BUT a seed was planted. I think I
heard Art talking to someone about ‘where we were and where we are today’. I
love Art, but as I sat down, my head started thinking… would I love the old me
today? I hope so. I think I turned out alright ;)
*
I
watched in church today. It seemed like there were more than usual there today.
I looked at some of the couples. Do you know that in 1982, that was all I
wanted was to make a life with my husband and never be alone? To always have ‘that
one’ that will always take care of you, through sickness and health, richer,
poorer… but I have changed. I don’t think I am bitter against marriage anymore,
but, I do think that I can’t imagine feeling like that ever again. Burned? A
bit. Burned beyond repair? I would say yes. Hurt? Sadly. Able to trust again? That
will be a big N-O. Isn’t that sad? And the couple’s I were looking at were so
HAPPY and so in love with each other. I could be wrong, and probably many would
yell at me for thinking this, but that ONE that we give it all too, that we
fall in love with and promise to be with them til death, I kind of think that
is the one we should grow old with. NOW, I am going to get myself out of hot
water here and say… we do make wrong choices and if there is abuse, physical or
mental or whatever kinds there are, I say no no no no no, do not stay in that
situation. But, if it is cheating or I don’t know, just being a lousy spouse,
and you have children together ( or are raising children as a family) I believe
that we need to find a way to stop being so dang selfish, and get some help,
and be the mom and dad you were intended to be when you started that family.
And here, here is a big BUTTTTT. You lie, you cheat, you steal, you undermine,
you con, you put down your spouse, you do crap against the family, you are no
good rat of a wife (00ps, spouse) and you decide to walk out… don’t come
crawling back. No one wants you. No one. (sorry I got kind of carried away
there!!)
*
Church,
today. If I could tell you about my pastor, I would have to tell you that in
all the years I have been a Christian, there is no one like Gary. No theatrics.
No yelling. No damnation. God’s love. That’s what he brings to the pulpit. Really!
God love us, and sometimes in churches we are given ‘laws’. And, being in a
strict Baptist church for so many years, I forget the ‘Christian’ term, but we
had rules and laws and … to this day, I fall back into wondering WHY God loves
me. I have a lot of ‘bad’ from spending so many years in ‘that’. BUT, my
Gary is , my PASTOR GARY has the Lord’s heart. He has it for his parents. For
his wife and children, for his in laws and for us. His church. I thank God
every single day for The Gate, and for the changes that God has brought into my
life, since starting there. Today I tithe what I get as income, I take notes
and study during the week. THE GATE. G-
Gospel Centered Teaching. A- Authentic Worship. T- Total Commitment. E- Evangelism. I encourage you if you are searching,
sometimes you just can’t imagine what God has in store!!
*
Church.
Changes. Challenges. Commitment. I have made so many changes in the past 4
years. All of which are pretty significant! One of them, was finally finding
the right church. Really. Challenges. If you know me, Challenges is an
understatement. But, I am still standing and holding the Lord’s hand.
Commitment. Nah, I can’t touch that right now, except for JESUS. I can safely
say, I will never be able to commit to another human being ever again. I have
taken my beatings and although I enjoy the heck out of John, as long as he is
good with our relationship as is, whatever it is, we can laugh the years away,
but as I talked about already, that is one thing that has been stolen from me,
and back in ’82 I had it, in ’05 I needed to THINK I had it, and in 14 I am
happy that people still have it, but its not for me, and safely I can say,
probably never will be again. I never imagined growing old alone, now I cannot
imagine a relationship ever again. Lucky for me, John is of the same mind set.
But if that changes, he knows where I stand. ( that commitment junk went longer
than expected!! ).
*
Well,
thanks for sticking around this long. I hope you have a beautiful week full of
blessings, miracles and love.
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