Midterm studied for, 2 loaves of banana bread in the oven, and the
dinner dishes cleaned and put away. It’s a quiet night tonight. I am counting
my blessings. How is it that I only have 4 more weeks of school? How it that I
was is blessed enough to have this home as my own? How is it that I have such
an amazing family, and truly the most wonderful friends anyone could ask for? I
keep pinching myself. I am tempted to ask why, and how long til it all comes
down, but I don’t feel that way about my life anymore. I feel that the Lord has
walked me through so much, and never left me. I feel that I have had blessings
all along, I was just too insecure to believe that it was alright for me to
HAVE them.
Yesterday at dinner, I asked Bri
to do something for me, and do you know what she said to me? “I’ll do it if you
promise to keep John in your life.” What? Why would you say that to me? “Because
I want to see you have someone in your life that makes you smile and treats you
good. I know you have Uncle Paul, but you won’t get back with him, so please,
Aunt Mary, keep someone that makes you happy.” Wow. I was stunned. I really
never even thought that my nieces gave anything in my life much thought. My
cousin in coming up from Columbus this weekend (which was SUPPOSED TO BE OUR
COUSIN WEEKEND AWAY) and so we are getting together and playing cards. So, I
asked John if he would like to go with me. Then I said “it’s okay if you don’t
want to go”. He said to me “Why would I NOT want to go with you!” I told him I
didn’t know. The fact that he pursued me for so long is still a mystery to me. “Why,
do you not have much faith in yourself? I had to wait to see if you would even
pay attention to ME.” Really? After being called a cunt and a frump and other
ego building phrases, I never really thought …. But, I guess I was mistaken. My
gift from God. I told Bri that he was coming to cards this weekend and she said
“I’m driving home. I want to be there with you guys.” She is more excited than
I am, I think!! So, I am not a cunt, or a frump, or any other ugly things that I
was sure I had become. I am someone worth loving, apparently!
A friend of mine that her
parents live down around the circle told me the other day that she has seen a
white Sonata with 2 black guys in my drive during the day when she would go to
pick up or drop off her kids. I am so tired of my house being the one we
discuss at our Block Watches, and the BPD drive by constantly to keep an eye
on. Next month I am calling a security service. My ex told me he would pay the
monthly bill if I paid the down payment. Isn’t that nice? I declined, but it
sure makes me feel good that he offers like that. I know it’s going to be a
challenge with Phoebe and her night time prowling’s, but I am going to have to
work around that.
Well, that banana bread smells
just about done. Have a great evening.
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