It’s been a rather emotional week. I am ready for it to be over. I
have been sick, so everything that makes me weepy, makes me BAWL!! Its okay,
sometimes you need a good cry. I had to go for a second bubbie smoosh today. I
love when you get that call… could you come in today please!!!! Ugh. No!
I had an interesting day yesterday. School was closed, but the
staff had to work. The front desk gal called off because her furnace was out
and needed to wait for the repair man. I worked the front desk all day!!! I
LOVE the front desk!! My bosses were in SUCH GOOD MOODS! LOVED THAT! The phone
rang off the hook for the first hour. “Are there classes today” “are there
night classes tonight”… then pure silence. I am working on my project for
Environmental Science (WHICH IS DUE FEBRUARY 14TH … GRADUATION DAY)
and the door opens and it’s my friend John! Soup and grilled cheese!! So, no
matter how sweet he is to me, I can’t get into it. I am horrible, I think
sometimes, but see that big heart shaped burn on around my heart??? I can’t let
anyone touch that. Now I worry ‘he’s a sales man’, he is so friendly, he is so
sweet… classic red flags for me. And, if I even SUSPECT a red flag in the
horizon… well, this isn’t so great. Then Becks and I were at lunch the other
day and I was telling her, and she said ‘he sounds smothering’. THAT is what I worry
about if I let him get too close! I NEVER hear from my ex except Saturday
nights to see if we are going to church. If I want to see a movie, I call
him!!! What if John wants to like, go out more often. What if he thinks we
could ‘do it’, what if he thinks … AHHHHHHHHHH!! STOP IT MARY!
Oh my gosh I have had the most amazing sleeps the past 3 nights!!
Grace and Casey LOVE sleeping by the heaters in the living room all night long!
So, it’s Spikey and I and the entire bed!!! I can roll over, I can sit up, I can
throw off or pull on the comforter! Like…having one dog!! J Eh, I love my kids, even
when they insist on sleeping on top of me. I could never have a real relationship!!!!! It’s like “Must Love Dogs” taken to a whole
other level. Maybe that is why I have so many! To ward off relationships! And
Grace Bite’s men… perfect!
Tomorrow I take my exit exams for school. We found out today that
starting next term, exit exams go towards your final GPA. Right now, Exit Exams
determine if you wear a cord, or a rope or something, on graduation day
(FEBRUARY 14TH!). I have to tell you, in my humble opinion that is
truly messed up to do that to people. Thank God it’s not for our graduating
class. I was talking to my ex the other night and he said “I am really and
truly proud of where you are in your life.” “I am glad we are who we are, and you
have forgiven me, and I will always love you. Always.” Yeah, I cried. I am glad
too. He is just like an old friend, no expectations, and no big dreams. No
hopes for a future or pressure for anything. He fills my gas tank every week
and surprised me with a bottle of Sirach the other day!! A way to THIS girl’s
heart is through HEAT!! Ha ha ha.
My Christmas tree… still up. I think that goes along with this
little funk, or depression I am in. It is unplugged, and all, the tree outside
I think I am going to pitch tonight. But, just looking at the tree, gives me
this weird sort of comfort. Soul soothing. I had to take the stuff from
underneath out and WASH it! John and I were sitting on the couch the other
night and I looked at the white sheet and was immediately HORRIFIED! I realized
my ‘snow’ was ‘yellow snow’! I jumped up to gather that up before HE noticed only
to realize that Spikey peed all over the nativity, as well. Oh boy I was so embarrassed!!
John offered to help, but oh gosh… I said ‘please don’t’. There’s a strike
against me!!!! Eh, we still went to The Boulevard the next night!! Red flag…he’s
understanding!!
Well, I better go look at dinner. My step daughter called me out
for my poor eating habits on Facebook the other night. So, last night I made a
pot of chili, tonight I made chicken and peppers… I made enough of both to
freeze for later. Chicken for buffalo chicken salad, chicken and peppers and
another 2 bags for something. They are already cooked, so I can grab them
whenever. I miss cooking. I miss, a lot of things.
L8R
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