Raspberry Lemonade and Pumpkin Cheesecakes and a Note, to YOU

I am on my LAST cheesecakes today!! Tomorrow I decorate and deliver! Woo hoo!! Then I have some cake orders, pie orders and of course, I am in charge of dessert on Thursday (why couldn't  I just buy the soda!!!!) I'll be glad when its over, but I have a ton of biscuit orders for next week, so...
      I have to call the repair shop today to see if they will give my mixer a tune up. Its starting to sound groggy and at 500 I can't afford to replace her ... EVER! I do intend to eventually purchase a 7 qt which is 900, but not today!
      OK, so I wake up to a weird voice mail, and I would like to clarify a few things.

1. Honestly, I don't call much for several reasons. Its not healthy for me to call. Seriously. When we  have great conversations, I miss you and that isn't good for me. I don't want to miss you, I don't want to love you, I don't want to want you. You left me. You left me with some  horrible messes that I had to dig myself out of. You left me and started DATING right away. You left me with the promise of returning in January then turned the story around. When I hang up with you, I think of Ashton, white trash Ashton. Ugh. While still dealing with the govt, I think of things that you did. Without a second thought. Yep, we had great times, but I have paid the ultimate price. Divorced, again. 2 years of depression and pain and mostly, I cannot trust ever again. EVER. ANYONE. So, even taking into the fact that I am busy. I have been forced to start over again, and alone, is a huge  undertaking. I am with my mom mostly every moment of everyday. You'll  never understand that problem, and you'll never understand hurting financally and you'll never be in the position of starting over ... again. You always have someone that has your back. So while I don't call as often as you think I should, I have 300 minutes on my 25. a month phone. I have emotions that I have to control after we talk and ... you hurt me. Worse than anyone has ever  hurt me. 
2. You have a girlfriend. Period. It wasn't OK when you kept in touch with your ex while we were married. Texting and secret phone calls, so understand, I will NEVER be 'the other woman' to ANYONE. EVER. 
3. You mentioned something about Robert Alvarado and St Augustine... let me just say this. I have no idea where you read that, except that you spent way too much time on here 'lookin' for whatever. I DID have a great time in Key West. I would go back there in a heartbeat but will NEVER be able to afford it. So, if I AM asked where is the most beautiful place... DON'T JUDGE ME. You would say Puerto Rico , so ... there.
4. The comment you made about my ex ... you need to read correctly so as to not obsess!!! Damn you. 13. What if the internet didn't exist? 
   I would still be married to my first husband. And life wouldn't be so hard. Where do  you see I would still be HAPPY??? See you shouldn't even read this blog. I don't believe in divorce, and my family KNEW that I would stay married forever, happy or not. I'm not one to just move on to the next one... ahem. And LIFE WOULDN'T BE SO HARD!!! My life is hard, and it wasn't ever THIS hard with him. He worked 35 years and RETIRED. We worked and saved to have things. To have a life. We never depended on someone to finance our life, home, cars, kids, things. LIFE WOULDN'T BE SO  HARD. OK? Happy or not, I would still be married. And, not looking.
5.  I didn't quite understand the part about sending something for the 'kids'. So I cannot even address that. You want to help out with food or toys. Great, but I don't expect anything. You should have  never left them, either. I couldn't imagine leaving them with someone, in a kennel, with a sitter for more than over night. That won't ever happen. They are my life and I am theirs. I don't go anywhere that they cannot go too. Why can't you understand that? How could you ever walk away from them. A toy or a petco card would help ME, but never walking away could have helped me more... i think.
6.  

1. Please, don't worry or think about me, or Robert Alvarado, or Paul Williams, or any of that. You  could worry about my health, or hard times in MY little world, but my issues are not nor have they ever been a priority to anyone but me. RA or PW will never be a big deal in my life. Not that I have to explain, but I do hang with my ex occasionally. I haven't talked to him in over a month though, because I am busy, I have to work, and bake, and study and care for Rose. So, when you want to take an issue with me, tell me how much you admire what I am doing. Thank me for making sure our 'kids' are well cared for, have their shots, go on walks and have a safe caring mom. You say all the time ""NOW I CAN MOVE ON''', honey, September 17, 2010 you made that decision to move on, that guilt statement has never worked on me. You moved and made several new lives for yourself. Your choice.