Wednesday, August 22, 2012

You are the only person responsible for your success.  The best part of your life will start on the day you decide your life is your own – no one to lean on, rely on, or blame.  You are in full control of your future.  Believe with all your heart that you will do what you were made to do.  It may be tough at times, but refuse to follow some preordained path.  Make your own rules and have your own game plan.  There is no happiness and success to be found by playing it safe and settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.
I read this early this morning and I loved it. Life can be really hard sometimes, and just like you, I have had my fill of it. Almost to the point of breaking. In  2011 I did some investigating on nervous breakdowns. I am sure I had one, but I wouldn't tell anyone. I  hid. I was safe hiding. No one knew, well, I think my sister knew, and my therapist, but closing the blinds and staying on the couch with my 'kids' kept me safe. I lost 25 lbs because I couldn't get the energy to go out and buy food. I used to always stock up on canned and dry dog and cat food so we were always good there, and I would always feed them and keep them happy. In fact, they kept me alive.           I have to admit though, I almost took them all in the car with me and turned on the engine. BUT, I feared I would live and they would die, or I would die and they would live and I would never let anyone care for them except me.       so. I read, and I prayed and I cried and  I wondered 'what is going to happen to me'. I depended so much on being married and always having someone. "The best part of your life will start on the day you decide your life is your own- no one to lean on, rely on, or blame"
Today, I have 2 terms of college under my belt. 3.8 gpa, the car is paid off finally, I am starting a business that I actually have success at. I have a 'kennel' fund which is growing albeit slowly, and I pay on my Sally Mae school account twice a month.  I have 2 scheduled craft shows that I am baking for and I have HOPE. I have a great friendship with my first husband who seems to have all the time in the world for me, and has started pouring money into (our) home. New furniture, new carpet, repairs on the garage and we talked about having the porch redone.  Nah, life isn't perfect. Not even close. I have 2 sweepers that totally died (funny how that happens at the same time!!!!!), I have a window that is going to cost me 194.95, they pulled the work study program from school and I am afraid financially. One thing I know is perfect... my soul. No one is calling with problems that I can't help with, no one is doing things behind my back, nothing new or no surprises are just waiting to come to the surface, life just moves as it should. Not always WOO HOO, but... not always BOO HOO either.

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