Monday, May 4, 2015

One Person...

One Person...

Can one person actually make such a difference in your life that you are never the same again? Idk, when I was younger, I would have never even contemplated the thought. Today, as I look back on the people and places and lives that have touched me, I have to say 'yes'. BUT its not just a single person, its multitudes of single people who have taught me to be who I am today. 

  • A parent- A parent that was hard and cold and unloving 98% of the time, has a horribly real effect on your life. You try and make yourself NOT be like that parent had been to you, but to your horror, some or particular people bring out that beast. In the past 5 years, there is only one person who brought that parent out in me, and I hate that part of me that did that to someone... 2 people, that I truly do/and did love. I had to change a situation for one of them, the other I deal with at a distance. The second one has hurt me badly again a couple years ago, then reemerged in my life again. I take it slowly because one thing I will not ever allow into my life again is needless drama. I love this person with all my heart. But ... I love the way the Lord has changed my heart in the past 5 years, more. 
  • A Stepchild- Sometimes someone's life doesn't fully impact us until they are gone. Death. The final chapter ends. I wish I could tell you that on my step children of my second marriage I had as much of an impact on their lives as I did on Paul and Susan. I did not. But I recently re-read a tribute, of sorts, from their father. Today I realized that all of 'that' life that poor child lived, was heart wrenching. Unwanted and left to his own, this child did the  most bizzare things just looking for love and acceptance. Today, as I cried over the hurting people in my family, and in my circle of friends, I realize how much of an impact his life made on me. 
  • A cheat- I read some disturbing things on Facebook, as well today. Married people, men or women, should get out of that marriage of convenience if you can't stay faithful. Last week I got an email from a person who I at one time considered a friend, about things from during a period in my life, a post period in my life, and even now... I could have thrown up. I guess it takes a special sort of person to cheat on every single person they are with. I have had this chick blocked from my life for quite awhile now. Isn't it funny , you can change your email address and phone numbers and everything, yet one day an email emerges from your new address from a person who could never or should never even try to contact me, ever. 
  • A Best Friend-  when someone can tell you without even thinking twice about how great it is to have a years long friendship, without even DISCUSSING it prior, it makes you so grateful to have people in your life that express their love for you and caring for your relationship without missing a beat. 
  • Just A Lady- There is a lady at my church. She and her husband have sat in front of Paul and I for almost a year. She looks like my friend Debbie's mom, so automatically I liked her. We chat about nothing every Sunday, but she is like an old friend. I am going to start to go to the ladies coffee nights. She goes every week, and I think her and I could be great friends.
  • The Most Unlikely Characters- I posted something on facebook last night about addiction. Addicts and their lives. I wrote: Watching Intervention. How heart wrenching to see the little girls cry for their mom. How heart wrenching to be a mom, and desire to be with your children and you cant. The pain behind the addicts tears is so real. I haven't stopped crying ... Lord, isn't there a way to heal them... I pray for the addicts that need that fix over the love of the children. I pray for the children who know...even when the addict thinks they are doing it in secret, they know. I pray for a healing of this epidemic. All the children that are being LOST to this demon. All the little children who lose their childhood because mom or dad isn't around. Children need their moms. Aunts and uncles and grandparents do their best, but the children cry for the love of their parents. I pray for any one that is reading this and struggling. I pray that You would reach down, and let them know You are just a prayer away...   I got a response: I'm so glad that you have a real understanding for how much of a struggle being an addict can be I wish we had more compassionate understanding and open minded people like you love you   I responded to her:Mair V Frichtel I have always, my entire life, whether things are going good, or things are going south, been the underdog. I don't think there is any difference in being an addicted person and being an underdog. Very few people understand either, but they understand each other. Many MANY people tell me that people take my compassion for granted, but even if they do, SO MANY PEOPLE have shown me love and compassion when so many others would rather not even notice. My friend Dawn is another one. Its those of us who don't mind others loving us, that can love more freely. People that have conditional love, can't feel that. Sure they may be really nice, or really TRY to be understanding... but they have never had to experience hardships they way others have. I love you , and I knew the first time I met you that you needed people like you to surround you in your life. I didnt always agree with your choices, but I never changed how I felt about you. Sometimes, I wish the Lord would use me in THAT capacity. xoxo  She said: thank you I always thought you had faith in me and when there aren't many people that do, you really cherish the ones that have that for you! That's why I fight everyday to change my life, change my way of thinking, the way I react people, the way I do things. I fight everyday to become the person I've always known I could be and it's not always easy and it's not always fair but it is what it is! thank you for all the encouragement it means the world to me!! 
  • The Lord- I could never accept my crazy, insane, good days , bad days, friends, enemies... I could never forgive, I could never have loved again, I could never now cherish, the good, the bad, the memories, the life choices I have made without Him, His Word, His Teachings and His Unfailing Love. 
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