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Friday, July 3, 2015

Friends Friendship and How We Survive...



A couple of nights ago I woke up from a horrifying nightmare. I had a dream that a friend of mine had died in a fire. It was 1 am but I reached over and called her. I said "Lynnie, I just had a dream...." and proceeded to tell her.  "I am good, but I have been thinking about you too lately, can we grab a coffee tomorrow..." was her reply.   Sure...see you at 9. Sorry I woke you!1 Hahaha we laughed a minute then said "i love you" and hung up. Not 3 minutes later, my phone rang "Thank you for being such a great friend" she said. Friends.

Last Monday I called my buddy Joe...  "want to meet for lunch somewhere in Strudders?" I asked him. Yep, see you at Dona Vitos at noon. He said. Sure I just saw  him a couple weeks ago, but he's had some major health probs and I needed to see him. He has  Parkinsons, and shakes uncontrollably.   I have been going through spells of the shakes. Rather bad and sometimes painful and I  just needed to chew the fat with h im about how his started and what he thought about MY shakes. Lunch, hug, text later "I love you Mai r, you are the best". All we did was meet for lunch! But, I treasure my friends.

Tonight, I was at Sams. As I was leaving my phone rings , "Mair Bear where are you?" asked Volchie. Just leaving Sams, where are you? "Sams, I smelled your perfume and wondered if you were in the dvd department"... hahahah I WAS!! I was buying some books and a journal!! Donna and I just wanted to see if you were here. How precious ...

I write about this because I was  moved when my ex husband posted something about loneliness . Sometimes people hurt people so badly that they burn bridges. Sometimes people just meet people and don't make an effort to keep in touch after. Sometimes people just CAN'T maintain friendships because of issues they have. Sometimes, people just hate people. I don't know. I have a nice circle of friends, I have 5 or 6...  maybe 8 that I consider BEST friends. Someone I can call if I am hurting, or lonesome or just need to talk. Those are  my core friends. BUT , I have some friends that I have had since GRADE SCHOOL. We talk occasionally, and sometimes meet for coffee or lunch. But my core are a different sort of friendship. I have 10 friends that I met and loved and formed forever friendships with from California. Had a wedding there last year I flew back to be with the bride and her family. Went back to see my sweetest friend Claudia and met with a couple of friends that were co workers with my ex , while I was there. I have another one in October ... another wedding, sorry. I plan on being there for that one. We are facebook friends so we can let each other know when we are in town, and can make plans. I don't think my ex is friends with any of his co workers (former, from CA) but I treasure those friends that I can see once a year as much as the ones I go to coffee, lunch dinner with.  LOVE them.

Once a month, former co workers from the country club I worked at for 35 years , get together for dinner. Sometimes we get 45 people, sometime 10, sometimes,  its  me and the Volchies. Doesn't  matter. We  maintain our deep deep friendships.

Becks... let me tell you, through thick and thin, we have a bond. Chris... LOVE HER. Linda... I can call her and talk at 7am or midnight. Lucky me. Volch and Fabes, one call, they are there. Lala... my sweet sweet friend. The list could go on...

I found this article on Pinterest. It is copied with permission.

10 Habits of People With Longstanding Friendships

Friendships come and go. But then there are those friendships that do stand the test of time, through all kinds of ups, downs, and changes. What makes one relationship last, when other friendships fade away? There are some people who go from one friend to the next. Yet others have quality long-lasting friendships. What is the magic potion they are drinking? Well, I have news for you — there isn’t any spell that can make a friendship last. The magic and the mystery lies all within your personality and the behaviors you exhibit.
Here’s the qualities of a person who has friendships that last.

Good Listener 

To be a good friend involves being a good listener. But, keeping a friend involves active listening. Listening doesn’t just mean you stand there and say, “Yeah,” and nod your head up and down. It means actively listening and engaging with your friend. Truly hearing a person makes a person feel special. So, listen up people, and genuinely hear others. 

Non-Judgemental 

Everyone has that one friend you can call anytime and tell that dirty little secret to without feeling judged. Now, that’s a good friend. The beauty of a good friendship is that you can be your true self with that person. Your friend sees the good, the bad, and the ugly in you, and they love you for it all.

Appreciates Others

Like any relationship, you need to let the other person know how much you care about them. A person who can maintain long-lasting friendships does this with ease. They send texts letting a friend know that they are thinking of her, or asking for updates on her life. They send cards on important holidays. Most importantly, they communicate  how much they appreciate their friends.

Loyal

If there was one thing the mafia and a good friend have in common, it’s loyalty. Loyalty is hard to come by nowadays. Someone who can maintain friendships knows how to be loyal. This means he or she doesn’t talk behind your back — they’ve got your back. Even more so, they will stand up for you if someone is trash talking you.

Good Communicator 

Being able to communicate properly doesn’t just mean a good friend knows how to pick up the phone to call you — it means they can communicate their feelings. A person who has longstanding friendships knows how to address issues head-on. They are not passive aggressive, they do not sweep things under the rug. Instead, they let you know when their feelings are hurt, or they apologize when they know they were in the wrong. Communication is key and this person is the locksmith.

Honest

Honesty is the best policy. It also makes for a great friendship. You want to know that when you ask your friend for advice, he or she will be honest with you. If you’re contemplating getting that pixie haircut, you need to know your friend will tell you the truth when you show her the picture. A true friend is someone who tells you what they truly think of that guy you’re dating, even if it’s hard to hear.

Makes Plans 

Friendships are all about give and take. It can’t be all one-sided. That is why people people with long-standing friendships make an effort to be close with their friends. They call them to see how that job interview went. They ask them to get together, instead of waiting for the other person to ask. They text after a date to see how it went. It doesn’t take much to initiate, but it makes a world of difference.

Handles Good and Bad

The one thing you can learn through any rough patch in life is who your true friends are. A true friend is there for you through the good, but more importantly, there to lean on through the bad. After a breakup, they are the friends showing up at your doorstep with tissues, wine, and the full DVD box set of Sex and the City.

Dependable 

People who can maintain friendships are usually dependable people. They are the kind of person that will pick you up at the airport, no questions asked. They don’t dodge your phone calls, or flake last minute. You can count on them. You know when they say they are going to do something, they will do it.

Vulnerable 


One big part of having a long-lasting friendship involves the act of sharing. In order for any relationship to grow, both people need to be vulnerable. You need to open up and share things about yourself. This will increase the trust within a friendship, as well as a deeper connection between the two of you.


http://www.bustle.com/articles/49874-10-habits-of-people-with-longstanding-friendships



My ex doesn't read my blogs, but I hope he takes my unsolicited advice... or at least thinks about it.

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