Wednesday, March 11, 2015

I received this little picture on my facebook last night. From a long time friend and almost boyfriend ( but… you know those issues I have! ). I cried when I saw it. I couldn't respond. I almost feel that if I respond, I am wrong. What I want to say is “How in the world could I EVER forget...”, but since I know he reads my blog religiously, HOW IN THE WORLD COULD I EVER FORGET. When my entire life was falling apart, when I didn't know one day from the next, when I was wishing the Lord would take me HOME, YOU put together a PARTY LIMO and took our friends and family to Pickle Bills 'just to get me out of the house'. You whisked the kids and I off to GOTL because we needed a 'change of scenery'. At 8 am you showed up at my door with an armful of flowers and coffee. Wha??? Forget?

Relationships are a serious thing to me. Whether they are friend relationships, family relationships or co worker, co student, neighbors, whatever… I don't forget. Anything. I haven't had a ton of love relationships, and when I did, I wasn't really great at them. I remember my first date EVER. I was 18. He was 22. I was graduating from Chaney, he was a teacher at Fitch. Oh my did we have a fun time together. Until a friend of his didn't like losing his buddy and called the school board and 'turned us in'. My mom was a teacher at Washington Elementary at that time. Both of my parents liked him, he came to the house, played cards with the family, just was part of us. One morning in my home room Mr. Remias got a note and told me that Mr . Catsoulis wanted to see me in his office. He was the principal. I walked in and there was my MOM and Mr. C. I really was a good girl in school, so I started to cry!! Omgoodness what a baby. Well, they told me that I was no longer allowed, until I graduated, to date my friend. It was not good for a teacher, even in a different school district, to date a student. Then, I REALLY cried!!! That night he called me and told me he was given a warning also. You know how you date someone and after high school you get married and a zillion years later you are still married, and by this time you are grandparents, the house is paid off and you travel? That should have been us. Like my girlfriends Kathy and Debbie, still married to their high school sweethearts, that should have been us. And, guess what… I look back on the good times and smile.

When I married Paul, we had already lived together for 5 years (that would never have happened if I married the first guy!). We had 2 of his 4 kids living with us. My friend had a child and wasn't ready to be a mom, so we had her daughter. His oldest daughter starting having kids at 15 and we ended up with 2 of her kids. 25 years of life passed by so quickly, but then… there was nothing left. But… I have to tell you I still look back on the good times and smile.

Then I dated after divorce. Let me tell you how badly THAT sucks. But I did date a great guy that I eventually walked away from. He held the door, brought flowers, sent cards, and cared about me. I was too used to not being good enough, or was it fear of commitment, or was a just an idiot. He sent me an email in 2006 and asked me if there were a chance I would ever be coming home from CA, and I said no. “Okay”, he said. “I was going to ask Jodi to marry me, but not if you were ever coming home.”. Wow. They are still married, by the way. But I have to say, I look back on the good times and smile.

I married my second husband, and obvi that didn't turn out so well but I still look back on the good times and smile.

I dated again. One person. No wonder shit doesn't turn out for me. One person after 5 years!! And #2 has been in a myriad of relationships and a marriage!! But, I blew that one too. He was perfect. I was scared. He was a gentleman. He made me laugh. He did fun things with me. He was so freaking good looking. My family liked him. My friends liked him. He treated me like I have never been treated before. I was falling HARD. NO one ever could imagine the comfort I felt when he held me. I was afraid of this feeling, and I wasn't ready to take it to any next level anytime soon. Once you are 'left' of 'abandoned', you have a really hard time with… with life. And even after as many years as I had been divorced, it was scary. And there was another woman. Telling me we shouldn't date. Telling me he needed to not be out at night ( no he wasn't married!! ) telling me everything I was doing wrong. Jesus if I wanted to be bitched at, I could have found someone with a screaming ex wife!!! But… I still listen to James Taylor radio on I Heart Radio … and look back on the good times and smile.

So now, life takes another turn. I pray this is the right one, finally. We are doing it right. No fooling around, no playing house, just taking it as it comes. We are busy on remodeling, painting, refinishing, and working on our forever home. I didn't want to move back out there, but in our 4 car garage right now is a 49 Mercury. A 58 ( I think) Thunderbird ( like Dan Tanna's ), a 57 pick up truck and a 2015 Camaro. In the drive is a piece of shit Camaro I am trying to get rid of, a pick up truck ( 2 ), a 2013 Monte Carlo and soon to be an 03 Hyundai. So, with that being said, there is no room in my humble abode for the cars!!!

So, as I look back… I still smile.

No comments:

Post a Comment