I had some dreams. Dreams for my life. Dreams for my future. Dreams that included a great partner and great times. Dreams of someone to travel and laugh with. Someone that would hold my hand and love me until the day the Lord brought one or both of us home. Dreams. Dreams are funny things. Dreams from the dictionary: dream
1. A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.
2. A daydream; a reverie.
3. A state of abstraction; a trance.
4. A wild fancy or hope.
5. A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration: a dream of owning their own business.
6. One that is exceptionally gratifying, excellent, or beautiful: Our new car runs like a dream.
v. dreamed or dreamt (drmt), dream·ing, dreams
1. To experience a dream in sleep: dreamed of meeting an old friend.
2. To daydream.
3. To have a deep aspiration: dreaming of a world at peace.
4. To regard something as feasible or practical: I wouldn't dream of trick skiing on icy slopes.
1. To experience a dream of while asleep: Did it storm last night, or did I dream it?
2. To conceive of; imagine.
3. To pass (time) idly or in reverie.
I guess no. 5 in the noun description just about sums it up. Its funny when you sit and think about it and realize there will never be that great partner to do these things with. Therefore, dreams have to change. Sometimes, drastically. I know mine have. I never really tried very hard since my second divorce, to even imagine “that partner”. Not anymore.
Today, while putzing on Pinterest and ‘dreaming’, I came across some of these fantastic and beautiful places. That cliff is amazing. That cabin near the lake, beautiful. That Cabin in the snow… I could only imagine what it would be like to live in that little home, building a fire, playing with the dogs outside, Phoebe romping in snow drifts and me, hauling in my OWN wood J. Or that cabin with the boat, waiting for ‘the kids’ and I so we could relax and take in God’s beauty. Dreaming. Funny how we wander off in our imaginary worlds and drink in thoughts of ‘where we may go’ in our lives.
I haven’t really allowed myself to dream on recently. I am kind of just trying to keep my shit together the best I can with what I have. I decided yesterday that I am going to look for a job. A position I can handle and something that may allow me breakfasts with my family, financial independence, breathing room when the bills come due, and money to make sure my family HAS birthday presents, and Christmas gifts. A position that will allow me to be at church on Sunday morning and home with my ‘kids’ at night. Spikey is getting older and actually cries/howls when I leave the house. We are usually together all the time so the 3 of them get riled when I go. But… I want to be able to dream again. To think of a future and the ability to go and do someday. Dreaming of things I haven’t dreamt of in forever, but omitting that ‘great partner’ to share my laughter, and my love. Dreams…