I am so confused. So
tormented. Today was odd for me. I am starting to feel like John has stronger
feelings for me than I first thought. That’s not good. I am in such a good
place right now that I can’t worry or even THINK about feelings, futures, and
relationships and never, love. Never. You see, I come and go whenever I feel
like it. I don’t answer to anyone. I don’t bother cooking or doing anything I
have no desire in doing. Selfish? Mhm. See, I have been at that place where I
lived for other’s happiness. I don’t want that anymore. And really, I don’t
want anyone to live for MY happiness.
Tonight is my night out with the
girls from school and Deb from the kennel. We haven’t been out in over a month
and I am excited for the laughs that we will share and the great time that we
always have. Our plan was to eat on the patio at our local favorite Austintown
dive, but thank God, its RAINING! I hate sitting outside. Give me that fresh
air conditioning any day ;) Lucky, is
what I am. The people I surround myself with bring me pure joy, endless laughs
and unconditional love.
Speaking of… two birthdays this
month for the girls. 21 and 20. Amazing. They are so beautiful and loving and
friendly and amazing. Yep, that’s my nieces!! My nieces. The 4 of them are more
than I could ever ask for. Life is good.
Hahahaha, I just got a request from a
girl I went to school with. She has an Essay due TOMORROW at nine am. She
emailed me to see if I would do it for her. She’s paying 20 bucks! Shit yeah I’ll
do it! 20 bucks to write! I love reports and essays … and writing. This will be
the easiest 20 ever!!
Well, time for me to get ready to go
out. Watched Mrs. G today, got home and chatted with Lee for EVER (he is
redoing my yard again. Poor guy, every time I change my mind he gets me through
it). He is pulling all the vines off the fence on my one side. Next week he is
pulling all the cheap ass paper mulch that ass ripped me off doing, and putting
river rock all in its place. I spend as much moolah on the back yard as the front.
I just ordered an awesome patio set from the furniture store. When it gets
delivered I am going to just set it up in the back room because I am going to
have to eventually have that patio dug up and redone, so …
Well, off to dinner!
Mary J
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