Saturday, October 6, 2012

     I have a box. A recipe box. It survived the Tippi Fire of 1983. It has recipes from people I don't even REMEMBER. People used to send me recipes at work so I would make them for this night or that person or a special event. I treasure that box. It has pictures of babies... Can, Ash, Bri and She. It has prayer requests, it has letters that my sis used to send me at work I have a letter with a picture drawing of  her engagement ring dated 1-01-86. It has pictures of people and events, there is a plastic flat football helmet that I would use when I was making Super Bowl cakes and boys birthday cakes... its STUFFED. Today I went in there because man I got some awesome apples, fresh and crisp and DELISH and I have my Grandma Dugan's Apple Cake recipe in there... somewhere. But during my reminiscing of the box I happened upon a card. It was folded up and tucked in there. It was 2 Toothbrushes. The outside read "Whenever we're together" then the inside said "life is good". There was also a note. "you mentioned the  other day about people being happy with having money. Please know that, from experience, I have never been happier with 'my life' 'my surroundings' , 'my self or my partner, than I am right now. I have had money before, but never true happiness until I met you (double underlined and written dark)!    If I end up on the street, with no roof overhead, no "Hollywood" things to my name, and no money in my pocket, I still would be the happiest and proudest man int he world as long as I have you in my heart and with me by my side"!. I love you, and always will, Love, T   "YOU make "US""!
I just have one question. When does that end and the desire to walk away begin. How do you love somebody SO MUCH, then, not. I  honestly think that for about a year or 2, you really DID feel love, and contentment and satisfaction just being everyday people. Getting pleasure out of walking the dog and going to the beach, even penniless, I think you really and truly deep down, enjoyed going to the top of Topanga Cyn and just taking pictures and picking flowers and looking over Los Angeles. I am going to put that back in the box, and always remember a time when true love meant more that status or tattoos or better looking women than the frump you had. There was a time when you enjoyed coming home, and loving your wife. Walking the dog, and eating my cooking for dinner. I just wonder what I did that made contentment and simplicity not good enough...

      'life is good'       it really  is. even  when you drive an old Hyundai and live in Youngstown Ohio and hang out with your dogs, and family. it really is. my life will  never be good enough for you, but truth be told, for this moment, its good. I won't be in Youngstown forever. Or , maybe I will. I still miss having  someone that can love me as much as you did in that first year +. I won't ever look for it again, but when I find cards like these, and letters hand written in my little Harley saddlebag from Thunder Harley, I just have to wonder why...

   But, I don't wonder too long. It makes me cry and makes me think too much. So, from my little corner of the world, life goes on. Too bad you didn't love me enough to love me forever. Life is better when there is someone to hold. But... you know that, too.

I hate the word "wanna", but this describes my heart...


  1. I saw you yesterday by the lake. You are NOT FRUMMPY and there are a few of us that would love to have you feel THAT WAY about us. Now with Doggone-Yummy, the world will be yours. Don't ever again acknowledge yourself as a frump. You are beautiful, and don't forget that. ~ Kevin.

  2. Thanks Kev. I saw Lily and Tiny, but I didn't see you! I had Rose with me and really was just on my way to take pictures in the hood! I don't really think of myself as a frump, but you know, I'm not a tiny, smart, cutie with an accent (well, a Hyundai Accent) and am certainly not eye candy when you are looking for someone to hang off your arm, but I am a good catch and loyal to a fault. I wasn't aware that there were a few of you that would want me to feel that way about YOU!!! hhahahaa. But, you made me smile none the less. Have a great rest of the weekend and hug Lily for me. You can hug Tiny for me too, but I've seen his teeth!!! ;D